I have never liked neckties. They are uncomfortable, untimely to dress and useless accessories to otherwise utilitarian garb. I can appreciate style, but the necktie is impractical. Seriously, what’s the point? Scarves make sense to me. And while not fashionable, so do bibs. But not neckties. Not anymore.

The necktie, originally called a “cravat,” was first popularized by Croatian mercenaries in the 1630s (part of my ancestry). Unpopular lore suggests these garments were used by the warriors to wipe clean their bloodied swords and flaunted as trophies of valor. The bloodier the cravat, the greater the man. While other European militias struck uniform accessories from their budgets, the Croatians struck enemies with their killer fashion sense. Bloody or not, the Croatian warriors built a reputation throughout the Western world and their linen trademark caught the attention of aristocracy. Before long, King Louis XIV embraced the necktie and the rest is history.

The modern necktie is nothing more than a corporate leash and a masturbatory symbol for power and wealth. If the world’s men spent less time tying knots at their gullets and more time changing the world, we could have flying cars by now.

Loosen your tie and share this with your boss.